When Is an ADU the Wrong Choice for an Aging Parent?

By Buz Artiano, BuildX | September 2026

Watch: How a $25K Curtain Emergency Changed Everything w/ Blair & Will Hamaty | BuildX Podcast #08

You've called two or three builders about putting an ADU in the backyard for your mom or dad. Every one of them told you it's much better than putting them in a facility. Nobody has told you when an ADU isn't the right thing for them though. So you've been fighting with this decision for months.

My name is Buz Artiano, founder of BuildX. We built the first ADU in Plymouth, and we have spent the years since then helping families through exactly this all over Massachusetts, but mostly on the South Shore and in Plymouth County. Sixty five families have come to our open houses and told us their stories, and we've done more than one hundred Zoom meetings on top of that, plus a long list of in-person visits. Every one of those conversations has to work through the same list of logistics. The family, the lot, the septic system, the setbacks, the zoning, and the law itself. We handle everything. That means design, permitting, and construction, so we see all of it before anyone signs anything.

Our own family went through this same thing. We planned an ADU for our father and decided against building it. It wasn't because of the lot or the septic system or the budget. Our father is very social, and a backyard unit is not a community. We purchased a unit at Sawyer's Reach in Plymouth instead.

What Made Us Decide Against Building an ADU for Our Own Father?

We had every advantage. We design and build ADUs for a living, we had the lot, and we had already built the first ADU in Plymouth, so the permitting question and the construction question were answered before we started. Our family still said no.

There was one reason for that. It's because our father is a very social person. A backyard unit puts a parent fifty feet from your household, but it doesn't put them somewhere where other people are around every day. Those are two very different things and only one of them was going to work for him.

It wasn't the property that made the ADU the wrong choice, actually the lot would have worked just fine. The plan was great and the builder was part of the family. The decision we made was because of the person, not the property. We found a unit at Sawyer's Reach in Plymouth, bought it, and then we figured out what would come next. Which is a much better problem than the one we would have had if we had gone with a backyard ADU.

Does Your Parent Need a Neighborhood or a Backyard?

If your parent needs a neighborhood or a backyard, no good build can give them that. Ask what a normal Tuesday looks like for them right now, then ask what that same Tuesday would be like from their home in your backyard while everybody is at work.

Most builders evaluate the property first. That's because the property is the part a builder knows how to price and deal with. We actually screen the family first, before we quote, because there are two variables that can cause a project to fail. A perfect lot that has plenty of space for setbacks and septic that meets all the requirements can't give someone company and socialization every day no matter how big or nice the ADU is. We learned to do things in that order on our own family.

A backyard unit works when three things are true:

• Your parent's daily socialization already comes from the people in your home
• Your parent values privacy over having a lot of people around
• Your parent is still able to drive or get around on their own

A backyard unit fails when these things are true:

• Your parent's day is organized around having other people around
• Your parent will not leave a quiet unit without prompting
• Your household is empty from morning until evening

If the second list describes your parent, an ADU is not the right thing for them, and not even the best design can change that. If you don't make the right decision, then you just end up with a beautiful, permitted, code-compliant version of something that's not right for them.

The Property Variables We Screen Before We Talk About a Build

Once the family question is answered, the property question is next. Four things decide whether an ADU is feasible on a certain property: the lot, the septic system, the setbacks, and the zoning. Setbacks are the minimum distance a structure has to be from the property lines. Any one of those four things can be the reason we can't move forward on a build, which is why we work through all four before anyone even starts talking about floorplans and price.

Massachusetts allows a homeowner to build one ADU by right on a single-family lot, meaning the town approves it without a special permit or zoning board of approval. But that doesn't mean you can build no matter what, the conditions have to be right. Building code, health code, and dimensional requirements still apply to any build. You can see all the state requirements at mass.gov.

This is why we give families a percentage of how possible it is that we can build, instead of just a plain yes. We've built so many ADUs that we can stand on a lot and tell you we are 90 percent sure we can do one thing and 60 percent sure we can do another. That's the gap between what the law allows and what your property can accommodate, and you deserve to hear all the information before you pay for drawings.

The Conversation to Have With Your Parent Before You Call a Builder

Sixty five families came to our open houses and told us their stories, and we noticed a pattern. The house question is the easy one. The harder questions about the parents is the one families avoid, because the answers can make things more difficult.

Things you need to find out from mom or dad. What would they miss when they move? Who would they see while you're at work? Do they want to be near you, or with other people? Those answers decide the build, and a builder can't give you those answers.

In our experience, the families who have that conversation first have a decision made when they talk to their builder. The families who skip that conversation end up just trying to justify a project, and that causes them to stall or fail.

Should You Trust a Builder Who Argues Against Building?

You should expect a builder to always argue that building is the right decision. We build ADUs for a living, so when a family in Plymouth County decides to put one in the backyard, we want to be the ones who build it, but it's just not the right choice for everybody. Our father was not a customer, and the project we talked ourselves out of was one we wanted to build.

The truth is, for most of the families who come to us, the ADU is the right choice. A parent who wants privacy, proximity, and a household that is very close to them is exactly who these units are designed for, and that is who gets the most out of them. We're not telling you to walk away from an ADU, we're just telling you to evaluate your parents' needs, not what a builder is telling you.

We determined that an ADU wasn't right for our dad, that doesn't mean our family failed at building one. It means we figured out the right plan for him, which was always the point.

Where Does Your Family Land on This Decision?

It comes down to one question, and the question is not about the building. If your parent is ok with you and your family being their main source of contact and socialization, a backyard unit gives them independence and while keeping them close to you. If your parent's day needs other people in it, an ADU won't give them that, and the honest move is to look at housing that does. Run that test first. Then bring us the property.